Improving America's Pastime

With opening day right around the corner, and most Americans are already concentrating on football, I've decided to suggest some incremental changes to the sport of baseball in the style of Hunter S. Thompson in hope that a new game might put more butts in the seats. (to see his far more entertaining article on baseball reform check out "Baseball has Become Unruly"  On ESPN).

New Rules of Baseball (Effective Immediately)
 1. Shorter Seasons--The Baseball season will now be shortened to 32 games a year, spread out equitably so as to keep the season running until October, in order to prevent injuries.
2. Action-- The rule that allows a baserunner to squash a catcher standing in his path to home base like an unruly field mouse will now apply to all bases, and basemen will need to retain control of a ball for at least 3 seconds to earn an out.
3. Psyche Outs-- Baseketball was on to something. Coaches, managers, or base coaches on the batting team will now be allowed to make their way onto the field to "Psyche out" opposing pitchers. any balls, bean balls, or home runs caused directly by an opposing player's distraction will be listed in official box scores as a PO or "Psyche Out".
4. Fights--Charging the mound will no longer result in ejection for both players, instead the instigating batter will sit out for half an inning, providing he had due cause to charge the mound (was struck or brushed by an errant pitch, insulted by an opposing pitcher, etc.). Fights will be allowed to continue under close observation of on-field officials. A fight will end when one player hits the ground.
5. Subsitutions--Substitutions will no longer be one-and-done, a player may sub in/out of a game as often as he likes, a player may sub at any time during the proceedings by tagging a player currently in the dugout (this will be especially amusing if combined with rule 2 for maximum effect, imagine a player rounding first base, then tagging in C.C. Sabathia just to watch gleefully as he lampoons an unsuspecting second baseman.)
6. Live Ball-- If a ball touches the ground at any time during a game, players from either team will be allowed to touch it and move it as they please. Balls hurled past the foul line by the batting team will become foul balls, balls hurled over the fence will become home runs. If a batting team player holding a ball is touched by a fielding team player he will be considered out. Additionally, if a fielding team player catches an errant throw by a batting team player, that player will be out (Imagine this, after Sabathia plows the second baseman, he picks up the ball and hurls it at the stadium's back wall, giving him time to tag the original baserunner back in, a fielder dives for it but just misses it and Sportscenter has the greatest replay clip of all times.)
7. Instant Replay -- Lets get real for a minute. Baseball actually needs this. and they'll need it even more to see if the second basemen touched Sabathia's leg before he got his throw off.


There you have it, I believe that if these rules are implemented, they will change the sport of baseball for the better in a matter of years. Draft picks will be chosen on all around athleticism, size included.  Steroids will no longer be welcome, as players will need more stamina for the fast-paced game that baseball has become and basic boxing lessons will be a must for prospective recruits. More fighting in sports and more sports with fighting will make for a more perfect world, I say.